The whole sad tooth lol

Well..

So, here's the deal... the tooth that was pulled was fine, needed to be pulled and I'm glad its gone. The problem however is this, the tooth that was pulled was NOT the whole issue. There was, or is, an infection in another tooth. It drove me mad with pain and of course there was no prescription for antibiotics when I had the original extraction. So I had to get a new scrip and wait for it to work.

Bottom line? 3 more sleepless nights....

There's no end I swear.

However, today I feel great, no pain at all and just waiting to finish out this course of Antibiotics and it off for a root canal... FUN I tell you.... FUN!!

Scale still dropping though...

Here we go, awful truth time...

I had snuck back up over 300 lbs.

Crazy.... like an addict I kept putting it back on and denying it.... but there you go.

Anyhooooo..... I was at 314 lbs this time around.... 314lbs... crazy number huh?

I got the fright and jumped back on the program again. My wife is my whip in this, my kids are the carrot.

That 314 was on July 1st, now, July 20th, not three weeks later, I am at 290. That's 24lbs in three weeks for the weak in math among us. Not bad, about what I would expect to be honest. It'll slow down some now.

Looking at setting a gym up in my shed. I just have this romantic image in my mind of going out there in Mid-Jan, getting the wood stove lit and stoked and working out while it's -15 outside and the snow is howling. Kinda like Rocky in Russia lol...

Also thinking about a bike... Gabe is learning now, it would be nice to be able to bike ride with him.

Thats about it for now...

Kicking back!

Well I feel GREAT!!!

No really, I do... the dizziness and fatigue of yesterday is a thing of, well, yesterday. I woke up this morning feeling awesome, no aches, no pains just awake and rearing to go. It makes me wonder about before you know. I used to wake up achy, not really rested, I just wrote it all off as being overweight and out of shape and of course, the ol' catch all of being older. Now though, I have to wonder, how much of it was blood pressure related?

117/78 this morning by the way.... YAY!

I am just hoping and praying that this keeps up and please god I will be allowed to do more than just walk within two weeks. I am SOOOOOOOO ready for the gym, SOOOOOO ready to spend a week or more in absolute agony while my body adjusts to doing things it hasn't been doing in a long long time. SOOOOOOOOOOO ready to see the flab turn back to muscle and just feel good about myself.

Speaking of that. I have been thinking a little lately about body image and our perception of ourselves in our own skin. You often hear that women are bombarded by skinny women everywhere they turn, and that it helps reinforce what for many is an unrealistic body type. That's so true, and I am not for one moment trying to lessen that impact. I have also often heard that men aren't effected by this. Well, this man surely is. I have heard it said that men don't care, that they can let it all hang out so to speak and it's really matters not a lick to them. Well, to this man, it surely does. I mean, great if you have that kind of spirit that allows you to not care. Perhaps that is the truly noble way to be, perhaps to be otherwise is a weakness? So be it, truth told, I would be mortified to go swimming at a public pool, I would actually wear a t-shirt all the time if I were on a vacation to the south, I don't even really like my wife seeing me totally nekkid, and that's just wrong. However, when we watch TV we see trim and fit men everywhere, you don't see any Gillette commercials where a guy is stood in front of the mirror with his chest hair all matted from the shower and his beer belly hanging out over the top of his towel, you don't see any beer commercials where the guy is wheezing and huffing his way out of the beer store to squeeze behind the wheel of his 1996 Hyundai... nope, more often then not, its a guy with perfect teeth, hair, pecs and a 6 pack. That's the way it is, and that's the way it will stay, cause hey, selling the image works!

So, rather than try and change the psyche, I will change to body. I will never be the guy in the Gillette commercial, but I will be as comfortable as that guy.

Been talking to a few people over the past weeks. Many of them like me are morbidly obese like me... for the matter of clarification, here's a reference to what makes you morbidly obese...

* Underweight = <18.5
* Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
* Overweight = 25-29.9
* Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater
* Any BMI > 40 is severe obesity
* A BMI of 40.0–49.9 is morbid obesity
* A BMI of >50 is super obese

... my BMI currently is 41.7, which makes me morbidly obese. There are a ton of BMI calculators out there, give it whirl, you might be surprised. Oh, before I continue on my current train of thought, here's a little aside. For those of you out there right now, and you know you are doing it, that are looking at this and saying something like, well, I'm bigged boned, they don't take that into account, yada yada...well... they do.... thats why there is a 10 point range, and with the exception of...

* highly muscular adults;
* adults who have a very lean body build;
* young adults who have not reached full growth; and
* adults over 65 years of age.

... it's a perfectly reliable and accurate tool, so get over it, if it says you are morbidly obese then you are morbidly obese, get off your fat ass, stop justifying and making excuses and do something about it rather than fret about the number. Anyhoo... back to our regular programming.

Anyway, I have been asked, what does it take to lose the weight. The answer folks is surprisingly simple. Eat less calories than you burn in a run of a day. Wow, earth shattering huh?? Seriously though, that's it, that's all there is to it. Now, there are extremes and degrees to how you do this. For me it's meant cutting out all takeout, it's meant not frying anything, it's meant portion control and it's meant eating stuff that is a near to its natural state as it can be. In other words, no frozen dinners, no canned foods, nothing pre-packaged or processed in anyway when and where possible. It's also meant drinking about 4-5 liters of water a day and walking everyday. For someone else it could just mean cutting out deserts, or drinking less alcohol. Really everyone is different and what works for one might or might not work for another.

The thing is. If you are like me, and are morbidly obese, then just cutting back a little may not cut it. I will go so far as to say, in my opinion, minor tweeks are a cop-out and the tendancy to slide or slip is far far worse if you are not ready to make a 100% commitment. If you are continuing to drink something, or eat something, even in smaller quanities when you KNOW it's going to put weight on you, or isn't the best choice for the goals you have set, if you are doing that based on some thought that you like it too much to give it up entirly, then you are weak and you aren't ready to make the changes you really need to to become healthy and correct your weight. This isn't a kinda sorta thing, it's deadly serious, and it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but your weight will kill you, it will kill you as surely as a bullet to the brain, just not as fast. You will get diabetes, you will get high blood pressure, you will develope back problems, you will develop mobility issues, you will be prone to infection... you will DIE, the food you are eating will kill you. This is NOT melodrama, this is NOT being too serious. If your health, your life and your happiness isn't more meaningful to you then a bottle of beer or a cheeseburger, then please, have at it, but if you want to live a full life where you aren't concerned about the possibility of not being able to fit into a seat, or if you can climb that hill to enjoy the view, or if this is the day that the clothes you have been wearing no longer fits, then change, change everything that got you here and change it now. It can be done and if you want it, NEED it, then you can do it 100%.

Rant over... back to work...lol....

The Zone

Cruise control is great ain't it... just a few weeks in and the old habits, by old I mean pre-inflation old, are just kicking in big time. Water, what was the hardest for me to get going last time, is not a problem this time, drinking TONS of it. Meals are falling into place, cravings are under control, appetite is strong but subdued, exercise is getting done. All is going amazingly well and I couldn't be happier.

Well... yes I could be happier...

I COULD be in the friggin' gym. I am chomping at the bit here to get back in there. I find myself curling my grocery bags, or doing lifts with Damian...lol... I really want to get back in there. The clank of steel, the smell or old iron and sweat, the feeling of exhaustion and euphoria at the same time. I miss it, I want it and I think, no, I know, I need it!

I am skirting around the zone now, I can see it, I drift into it, but I can't get fully in there until I get into the gym. Then I will feel like this journey is really and truly underway once again.

Hopefully Monday the Doc will give me the ok to get back in there. If he does I can promise you that I will be in there Tuesday morning and the real work will begin in earnest. I for one, can't wait!

Rewards

Lets face facts for a second shale we? Human beings, as a rule, are selfish creatures who generally want to know whats in it for them. I am no different. One would think that the reward of my improving health, smaller waist, broadening clothing options etc. etc. would be enough. Alas, I am a greedy SOB and dammit I want all that and more!!

I have stated to Dee that as a reward for losing 100 lbs I would get the sleeve tattoo that I have wanted for a long time now. Problem with that is that those things cost big money, and folks, with an oil tank that needs filling, car payments, mortgage, 2 kids yada yada, big money is not something I have.

So, the solution? Well, damned if I know...lol...

I had thought that perhaps I would pay myself 3-4 bucks a pound, but that won't garner much really, also, money pooled seems to become money needed after too long. I could insert google adsense on here and try to make a few extra bucks, but I gotta tell you, the kind of traffic I would need to generate any sort of significant revenue, well, I just ain't gonna get it you know? I hate ads on personal sites anyway, just seems intrusive and really not needed.

I guess I could contact like Miami Ink and ask them if they would foot the bill for an impressive 100 lbs weight loss...lol... but I don't think that would work either.

So, any ideas? Anything, no matter how wacky might actually be the idea that works for me!

That being said and my personal needs being addressed, ;) , a little something on rewards. They work. We all know that its a great feeling to see progress, and it's a wonderful thing to witness, BUT, it can be slow week to week, and the process can become repetitive and tedious after some time. I always like to set some reward at certain targets. It could be as simple as allowing myself a full day of doing nothing but escaping into Warcraft, it could be as extravegant as a tattoo as I mentioned above. Bottom line, it gives me something to look forward to BEYOND the weight loss rewards. It broadens the focus and expands the process so that your whole life dosn't become just another detail in the weight loss program. It's very very easy to become obsessed and lose sight of the fact that your life is still progressing, that other people in your life, while applauding your journey, aren't a passenger on the same train as you.

Focus is important, but so is perspective... and I find little rewards to be a great aid to that end.

Tidbits

My son is a demon spawn.

He was eating Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts. And he was insisting I have one.

"Come on Daddy," he said, " You know you want one.."

"No thanks Gabe, Dad isn't eating that stuff anymore.."

"But it's full of chocolate, it's goooo-oooooood."

"I bet it is Gabe but daddy had his breakfast."

"But you want it don't you, it's yummy!"

Demon... demon... DEMON... lol... I persevered though, whew....

I DO love Pop-Tarts though... heh

I've missed blogging, as you might be able to tell from the frequency of my posts. I enjoy it, it motivates me and keeps me honest. I also missed just talking, telling a story, weaving a tale and reviewing it way down the road to see how full of shit I was at any given point. Not looking for lies, when I say full of shit I mean how confident I was in one thing or another only to not see it come to fruition. It's why I am being cautious with my goals this time, and a little guarded about my progress. I will get back to where I was and better ( by better I mean better in the cardio department, I am going to be biking this time, mainly because I want to be able to share that with my boys ), but I am not going to obsess and nitpick each and every milestone along the way. I used to do that, and I was also a camera whore. I'll take pics, but I won't be doing it as often and to the frequency I was in the past.

But yeah, back to missing blogging. It's like putting on an old comfortable sweater and being surprised to find it still fits. I slip into blogging mode that easily and with the same amount of comfort. If anything, I have to really watch myself to make sure I take the sweater off from time to time so it dosn't start stinking up the joint or wearing thin you know. Yes yes, I do like me a good anaology from time to time lol. It's also nice to see I have some returning visitors each day, means that some of you are enjoying this enough to come back each day, and thats satisying to me, and rewarding. My hope is as we progress that some of you may feel comfortable enough to take part in the comments section, ask some questions, take me to task on any of the more isiotic things I might say...

Shifting gears...

Was watching X-weighted last night. I generally enjoy the show if for no other reason than to see the looks of joy on peoples faces at the end of the program. However, I am more and more becoming a little miffed with the draconian measures the show takes. It's almost as if they treat these folks not at adults who have made a positive lifestyle change, but as hardened criminals who have pleaded guilty to the crime of obesity and must now pay the price. It obviously works, for the most part, but sometimes the extremes seem, well, a little extreme to me. Hey, god knows that maybe that kind of constant vigilance might have kept the weight off of me, but I am a firm believer, and it worked to at least TAKE the weight off me, that you MUST allow yourself a treat occasionally, and that you MUST make a gradual adjustment to ease in, other wise, lapses can and will happen. Just my opinion...

Said something to Shane today that I think will become my motto...

"I must learn to not only be excited about the journey, but I MUST be every bit as excited about the destination"