Down but not out

So, I went to bed last Thursday with a slight discomfort in my jaw, nothing serious, almost as if I had bitten something hard and caused the tooth to throb a little. A couple of Advil and bam, pain gone, problem solved.

Not so much.

Friday was ok, had a wedding Friday and on the way back from it I started to get that throbbing again. Oh oh... got home took some pills and it went away. That night the real fun started. A throbbing nearly constant pain, alleviated somewhat by meds, but not totally. Water swishing in the mouth seemed to help best, but try doing that in bed. I almost drowned several times falling asleep with water in my mouth. Sleep was sporadic at best, a half hour here and there with no prolonged periods. I was convinced that I was dealing with an infection. Tried to treat it myself as best I could, since I couldn't see a dentist till Monday, using anti-biotics on hand etc. Nothing really helped for any amount of time. I was miserable, like gun to the head miserable.

Needless to say I didn't get any walking in. Nor did I get much eating in either.

Finally got to the dentist on Monday, figured an exam with some prescription for antibiotics and perhaps ( YAY ) painkillers. Nope....

Dentist entered the room, pulled up my x-rays on the puter screen pointed at the offending tooth and said " See that shadowy mass on the root? That's the bane of your existence and the tooth has to come out now."

Shiver.... an abscessed tooth.... HEAVILY abscessed tooth.... and he was going to pull it then and there...

YIKES!!!!

He did promise me a couple of things before he started though...

1- It would be a difficult extraction.... joy...
2- It would likely take a while
3- It wouldn't hurt, he was going to make sure it was well deadened
4- I would sleep that night

He delivered on all!

1- Difficult yes, the tooth exploded when he put the clamp on there. You have to know, this tooth, it looked flawless from the outside, there was NO indication visually that there was anything wrong with it, but there it was, dead on the inside, abscessed at the root. So, crown gone, nothing to hold on to to extract. Drilling holes into the exposed area to get a grip to loosen, tooth kept breaking. Finally had to cut the gum, drill into root and rock back and forth until loosened , then he cranked the chair up, stood up, braced feet and pulled and pulled and pulled until finally pop, the remains were extracted. He laughed, I love my dentist by the way, and said, " Man, there's NO way anyone would knock your teeth out that's for sure!!" Three stitches and done

2- See above

3- He was bang on, with the exception of the pressure exerted and having all those instruments etc. crammed into my jaws, there was no pain at all, I was thrilled.

4- I slept for almost 12 hours straight.... sigh.... it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice.

As I was leaving he made me another promise. I wouldn't have a lot of pain from the procedure and shouldn't require any prescription pain killers, BUT, I would know he had gone to work on my jaw.

Again, he kept that promise.

Woke up this morning feeling as though I was kicked in the side of my jaw, but NO pain at all from the socket.

Now that's behind me, I can't wait to get out for my first walk in a while tonight.

Scale shows MAJOR downward trends.... that's always nice!

More to come on that front!

The deal

OK...

Went to the Doc's this morning as I mentioned. Was feeling pretty good about it. Was feeling even better when I walked into his office and looked at me with raised eyebrows and said " Hey you are really losing weight huh?".

We chatted about that and how that was going for a while, and then the time came for the BP check.

210/111

Let me say that again

210/111

First reaction was fear. A kind of deep in the stomach primal fear. I think I tapped into something ancient in my psyche. I imagine that this is what our barely erect fore-fathers felt when they were faced with a true fight or flight scenario. That feeling quickly turned to bewilderment. I mean, I was doing it wasn't I? I was losing the weight, getting the exercise, sticking to the low fat low sodium diet, drinking my water? All the things I was supposed to do to correct the BP. I mean I certainly didn't expect to go from elevated to normal in the space of a month, but goddammit I certainly expected to be moving in that direction, NOT the other way. The doc was equally not impressed, though I think he wasn't as bewildered as I was.

So, where from there? Well, meds, I am on 25 mgs once daily of NOVO-HYDRAZIDE. I won't go into all the possible side affects here, google it if you are interested. However, I did have to leave work early today because I was starting to feel a little disjointed. I'm not tooooo bad right now, obviously, I mean I am typing and making sense, well, as much as I eve have anyway. I do have a long drive home though, so I figured I wouldn't take any risks at all and not be able to drive later.

No gym, sadly, that really hurts more than I thought it would. I'm ready for it, I am actually burning for it, but it's just not a risk I can take. Can you imagine doing a squat or a leg press with a BP of 210/111?? Mt. Etna mean anything to any of you?

No strenuous activity for a while, just walking at a moderate pace. It's not much, but it will have to do the job for now.

I also now have a home BP monitor. I have to take my BP thrice daily and in a week I go back to the docs and we review the numbers. If it isn't down, then there will be yet another medication on top of the current one, the same applies in 2 weeks.

SO, I know I have been asked several times what caused this. The short answer is the ugly one, I am a fat lethargic 38 year old who wasn't taking care of business the way it should have been attended to. I commit ed a crime against my body and my family and I have been sentenced to this. There are some genetics in play, but the long and short of it is that it is 100% my fault. Not going to whine or bemoan it, I AM going to fix it.

As of today there will be another addition to my daily blogs, my BP readings. I take my last one at bedtime, so I will post a short blog each night with the 3 BP readings from that day. This is another tool of accountability, but it will also hopefully show a dropping number and serve as a warning, and a kick in the ass, to the large percentage of the male middle ago population out there who like me, are fat, lethargic and marching blissfully towards a very early grave.

Wake up folks, wake up before you don't wake up anymore....

Monday Mass Day 3

Quickie, on my way to work, be back later with pics to post.

Modest weight loss for this week, well, that's what the scales said anyway. Down about a pound, maybe a pound and a half.

SOoooo...

August 25th Start weight ??? - we figure anywhere from 310-320
Sept 8th - 301 lbs
Sept 15th - 297 lbs
Sept 22nd - 296 lbs - change of -1 lbs, 95 to goal

Sunday stuff

Not much to blog about today, but figured I would make an appearance.

Yesterday was kind of a blahish type day. No, I shouldn't say that, it was a great day actually. Dee had a bridal shower and myself and the two wee fellas spent the afternoon cruising around. It was a blahish type day from a meal persepctive. As I mentioned, Dee had this bridal shower. She ended up bringing home a bunch of leftover sandwichs and cookies and cake. I stayed away from the cookies and cake, but did end up eating around 2 sandwichs. For whatever reason, I thought I would end up well over my caloric intake.... complete opposite actually... which ticks me off even more.

Oh well...

Hey guess what? Tuesday I go to the Doc, and will either be ok with the BP or not, and on meds, either way, this is the week I should be able to start at the gym...

YAY!!!

Other blogs and more bric-brac

You know, I love blogging, One of the things I like about blogging is interacting with the people who not only read MY blog, but actively going out there and finding other blogs that are on the same topic as mine. One thing that has really saddened me, as well as reminding me of my own lapse, it the number of blogs that just end. Usually these blogs have one last entry that talks about slipping, or going off plan, with promises made to get back on track, and then nothing. Some of them have ended a month or so ago, some a year or more. It makes me wonder where these people are now, what their story is, if they are continuing their own personal journeys or if the wheels just fell off all together. I even wrote a couple of them, asking those very questions and sadly, no responses.

If you are one of those people, if by chance you followed the e-mail link back to this blog. I want you to know that all is not lost, you can start up again, a lapse can be just that, a lapse and you CAN get it back on course. If you want, I can help, and you can help me. Obesity and food addiction are serious illnesses, and it can make the effort to overcome them easier if you have a large support group there to prop you up.

Now, in my travels through the WWW looking for weight loss blogs I stumbled upon a blog that frankly made me very very angry, a little sad, a little disgusted, a little perplexed and a bunch of other emotions all at once. I don't have the link to the blog, but I can find it again, if you want it let me know. I don't want to post the link here because I don't want to be a source of more visitors for this blog. The blog is basically just pictures. Pictures of people, mostly women, suffering from Anorexia. Now, the pictures themselves are powerful, in a punch in the stomach kinda way, and really, everyone should look at pictures like these. They serve as a strong visual reminding us of the horrible wasting this terrible affliction can inflect on a body. I want to make one thing absolutely clear. I am NOT disgusted or angry or anything other than sympathetic towards the people who have this affliction. I have a person in my life who suffered from anorexia. They are on the mend thank you very much for asking and I couldn't be prouder of them. No, my chagrin is targeted squarely on the shoulders of the people out there who ENCOURAGE people with this disease to loss ever MORE weight.

Honestly, comments on the pictures of these wasted bodies, bones protruding, skin tight, just haunted looking women, comments saying beautiful, or sexy or amazing and even more stunning, comments saying that they would be perfect with just a little more weight gone, another 5 lbs and they would be perfect, another 10 lbs and they would be a goddess. You ignorant, thoughtless, enabling, PRICKS.... it's like opening a bar tab for an alcoholic and then driving them to the bar, come on people, get a friggin' clue!! Unreal... just unreal...

Makes me sick...

sigh...

Shifting gears. Dee and I watched a great show last night. It was on W channel on Rogers, but is a Channel 4 creation. Channel 4 is the British channel that launched Gordon Ramsey's TV career.... its called Super Size vs. Super Skinny, the basic premise is simple, you take a morbidly obese person, and team them up with a very very skinny person and have them live the others life for a period of time. Diets, exercise, everything. It was pretty interesting and entertaining to watch. What I found most interesting, at least in the episode I watched last night, was that the skinny person had a MUCH harder time adjusting than the Super Sized person. At the end both took some valuable lessons out of the exercise, and I am happy to report that they both are living a healthier life now. Brit shows are always so much better than US shows... but that's a whole other blog for a whole other time.

On the progress front. Dee and Gabe had Mary Browns tonight for supper, for those of you who don't know, that's like KFC, only better. The smell damn near killed me. I am happy to report however that I made it through and I just grilled a couple of chicken breasts for myself. They were awesome as well, though without the yummy coating and oh so delicious grease.... lol...

Hopefully gym next week, really am chomping at the bit now.... bring it on!

There's eye openers, then there eye SHOCKERS!

Well...

Ahem...

So, we bought a new scale. I was in error, I was not 285 as I thought, but in actuality I must have been around 310-15 or so. I know I have lost weight in the past two weeks, I can tell, Dee can tell.... so I figure 310-15 is a good guess. I don't need to guess anymore though... nope... I am a svelte and trim 301 lbs.... hey, that's not bad, it's only heaver than a new born elephant, or a year old cow, or 3 Andy Dicks...

All joking aside... I'm not floored anymore, I am getting used to the shocks that keep assaulting me in regards to my weight, health and appearance. I am once again struck though by how damn easy it is to fool yourself into thinking you are something you obviously aren't, and trust me, it was VERY VERY easy.

So, 301 lbs ( important to get that 1 lb in there ), only 121 to go, thats 10 lbs a month, 2.5 lbs a week and exactly 365 from today I will be a totally different baby elephant, I mean, MAN... yeah...

I am joking because I know I can and will do this, it will have ups and downs, peaks and valleys, but in the end the changes will be made and the transformation will be dramatic, this I promise you. I can further promise that in 730 days from now I will look even better as my promise to myself to be in better shape at 40 than 20 will come to fruition.

Now, on to the very very ugly... the pics.... please folks.... not for the weak..



Pretty bad huh? I was kinda floored by these pics. Again, at the risk of sounding like a broken record here, I had NO idea that I was this bad. Again, I knew I was bad, but this bad... nahhhh... Well, yes, it IS this bad. It will NEVER EVER be this bad again.

Now that I have these done and posted, I am taking great comfort in knowing that the next ones will be better, and the ones after that, and the ones after that and so on and so on... Time to skin this pelt!

Monday Mass Day

Well, I just saw that a friend of mine was vrey very brave and posted starting pics of herself, it takes a lot of guts to post pics when you aren't in the least bit happy about them. It called bearing yourself to the world and it was a step I frankly was NOT prepared to make, I'm a coward yes I know...

BUT... cowardice be damned, I need to be accountable for the actions I took that made me lapse into this horrible costume I am currently wearing. I call it a costume because this isn't the real me. It might be the me that I was for 90% of my adult life, but that dosen't make it who I am.

So, tonight there will be pics... they won't be pretty, they may be shocking, they may induce mild tremors and other such afflications in the weak hearted amongst you... but they will be here and I will be accountable...

I have also decided that every Monday will be Mass day....

Whats this means is that Monday is the day I will weigh myself and put it out there for all to judge. I will also do updated pics every Monday and those too will be posted for all to judge. I can promise you this, they will never be as scary again as they will be when I start, unless of course I decide to wear a leopard skin thong... no... that won't happen...lol....

So check back later tonight for the big unviel.. it's gonna be... well... big...

The holy shit aftermath...

Nada...

After brewing over it and really feeling kinda freaked out, depressed, pissed off and a gambit of other emotions, the wife, the kids and I loaded up and went for a 3.8 klick walk around Quidi Vidi.

Thing is, it's a number, a horrible one, but it'll never be that high again... all it will do is look even better once I take this crap off...

Anyhoo... just a shortie to say that I am not letting that hinder or depress me in the least... time to move on and take it all off..

A holy shit moment...

There's not really much to say... I was riding such a high and now I just want to crawl away and sob...

Starting taking my measurements, was going to do the whole gambit... from neck down to calves and all points in between but I just stopped when I had a few... no point in taking smaller measurements when the bigger ones paint an obvious story... once I lose some inches in the core I'll take them elsewhere...

For now, here's the awful awful truth...

Neck - 17
Chest - 55
Abdomen - 53
Hips - 51

Pictures will be coming at a later date, I've taken as much visual truth as I can for a couple of days.