The whole sad tooth lol

Well..

So, here's the deal... the tooth that was pulled was fine, needed to be pulled and I'm glad its gone. The problem however is this, the tooth that was pulled was NOT the whole issue. There was, or is, an infection in another tooth. It drove me mad with pain and of course there was no prescription for antibiotics when I had the original extraction. So I had to get a new scrip and wait for it to work.

Bottom line? 3 more sleepless nights....

There's no end I swear.

However, today I feel great, no pain at all and just waiting to finish out this course of Antibiotics and it off for a root canal... FUN I tell you.... FUN!!

Scale still dropping though...

Here we go, awful truth time...

I had snuck back up over 300 lbs.

Crazy.... like an addict I kept putting it back on and denying it.... but there you go.

Anyhooooo..... I was at 314 lbs this time around.... 314lbs... crazy number huh?

I got the fright and jumped back on the program again. My wife is my whip in this, my kids are the carrot.

That 314 was on July 1st, now, July 20th, not three weeks later, I am at 290. That's 24lbs in three weeks for the weak in math among us. Not bad, about what I would expect to be honest. It'll slow down some now.

Looking at setting a gym up in my shed. I just have this romantic image in my mind of going out there in Mid-Jan, getting the wood stove lit and stoked and working out while it's -15 outside and the snow is howling. Kinda like Rocky in Russia lol...

Also thinking about a bike... Gabe is learning now, it would be nice to be able to bike ride with him.

Thats about it for now...

Kicking back!

Well I feel GREAT!!!

No really, I do... the dizziness and fatigue of yesterday is a thing of, well, yesterday. I woke up this morning feeling awesome, no aches, no pains just awake and rearing to go. It makes me wonder about before you know. I used to wake up achy, not really rested, I just wrote it all off as being overweight and out of shape and of course, the ol' catch all of being older. Now though, I have to wonder, how much of it was blood pressure related?

117/78 this morning by the way.... YAY!

I am just hoping and praying that this keeps up and please god I will be allowed to do more than just walk within two weeks. I am SOOOOOOOO ready for the gym, SOOOOOO ready to spend a week or more in absolute agony while my body adjusts to doing things it hasn't been doing in a long long time. SOOOOOOOOOOO ready to see the flab turn back to muscle and just feel good about myself.

Speaking of that. I have been thinking a little lately about body image and our perception of ourselves in our own skin. You often hear that women are bombarded by skinny women everywhere they turn, and that it helps reinforce what for many is an unrealistic body type. That's so true, and I am not for one moment trying to lessen that impact. I have also often heard that men aren't effected by this. Well, this man surely is. I have heard it said that men don't care, that they can let it all hang out so to speak and it's really matters not a lick to them. Well, to this man, it surely does. I mean, great if you have that kind of spirit that allows you to not care. Perhaps that is the truly noble way to be, perhaps to be otherwise is a weakness? So be it, truth told, I would be mortified to go swimming at a public pool, I would actually wear a t-shirt all the time if I were on a vacation to the south, I don't even really like my wife seeing me totally nekkid, and that's just wrong. However, when we watch TV we see trim and fit men everywhere, you don't see any Gillette commercials where a guy is stood in front of the mirror with his chest hair all matted from the shower and his beer belly hanging out over the top of his towel, you don't see any beer commercials where the guy is wheezing and huffing his way out of the beer store to squeeze behind the wheel of his 1996 Hyundai... nope, more often then not, its a guy with perfect teeth, hair, pecs and a 6 pack. That's the way it is, and that's the way it will stay, cause hey, selling the image works!

So, rather than try and change the psyche, I will change to body. I will never be the guy in the Gillette commercial, but I will be as comfortable as that guy.

Been talking to a few people over the past weeks. Many of them like me are morbidly obese like me... for the matter of clarification, here's a reference to what makes you morbidly obese...

* Underweight = <18.5
* Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
* Overweight = 25-29.9
* Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater
* Any BMI > 40 is severe obesity
* A BMI of 40.0–49.9 is morbid obesity
* A BMI of >50 is super obese

... my BMI currently is 41.7, which makes me morbidly obese. There are a ton of BMI calculators out there, give it whirl, you might be surprised. Oh, before I continue on my current train of thought, here's a little aside. For those of you out there right now, and you know you are doing it, that are looking at this and saying something like, well, I'm bigged boned, they don't take that into account, yada yada...well... they do.... thats why there is a 10 point range, and with the exception of...

* highly muscular adults;
* adults who have a very lean body build;
* young adults who have not reached full growth; and
* adults over 65 years of age.

... it's a perfectly reliable and accurate tool, so get over it, if it says you are morbidly obese then you are morbidly obese, get off your fat ass, stop justifying and making excuses and do something about it rather than fret about the number. Anyhoo... back to our regular programming.

Anyway, I have been asked, what does it take to lose the weight. The answer folks is surprisingly simple. Eat less calories than you burn in a run of a day. Wow, earth shattering huh?? Seriously though, that's it, that's all there is to it. Now, there are extremes and degrees to how you do this. For me it's meant cutting out all takeout, it's meant not frying anything, it's meant portion control and it's meant eating stuff that is a near to its natural state as it can be. In other words, no frozen dinners, no canned foods, nothing pre-packaged or processed in anyway when and where possible. It's also meant drinking about 4-5 liters of water a day and walking everyday. For someone else it could just mean cutting out deserts, or drinking less alcohol. Really everyone is different and what works for one might or might not work for another.

The thing is. If you are like me, and are morbidly obese, then just cutting back a little may not cut it. I will go so far as to say, in my opinion, minor tweeks are a cop-out and the tendancy to slide or slip is far far worse if you are not ready to make a 100% commitment. If you are continuing to drink something, or eat something, even in smaller quanities when you KNOW it's going to put weight on you, or isn't the best choice for the goals you have set, if you are doing that based on some thought that you like it too much to give it up entirly, then you are weak and you aren't ready to make the changes you really need to to become healthy and correct your weight. This isn't a kinda sorta thing, it's deadly serious, and it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but your weight will kill you, it will kill you as surely as a bullet to the brain, just not as fast. You will get diabetes, you will get high blood pressure, you will develope back problems, you will develop mobility issues, you will be prone to infection... you will DIE, the food you are eating will kill you. This is NOT melodrama, this is NOT being too serious. If your health, your life and your happiness isn't more meaningful to you then a bottle of beer or a cheeseburger, then please, have at it, but if you want to live a full life where you aren't concerned about the possibility of not being able to fit into a seat, or if you can climb that hill to enjoy the view, or if this is the day that the clothes you have been wearing no longer fits, then change, change everything that got you here and change it now. It can be done and if you want it, NEED it, then you can do it 100%.

Rant over... back to work...lol....

Foiled again.....

Just back from the Doc's....

Well, another medication on top of my current one. The BP has greatly improved, but he was still a little concerned about my diastolic number. Its peaked a couple of times over 110 in the past week and we really need to get that number down as well. he was very happy with my systolic pressure, it's pretty much right where we need it to be. So, it a ACE inhibitor for me for the next month at least. End result? No gym... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... getting very very frustrated about that actually, I'm not going to lie. Oh well, again folks, keep your fingers crossed for the next visit in 2 weeks. He said that if everything is in line then, well, he wouldn't commit, but he said it would be very likely. I need to get in there...

Sorry no Monday Mass Day yesterday, the day came and went without me even thinking of it..lol... I am down to 289 on the Docs scales though. More like 291 on my scales. I am sure that the Doc's is more accurate, but since my scales are the ones I started on, they are the ones I will continue to use as my guide.

So here's the current tally...

August 25th Start weight ??? - we figure anywhere from 310-320
Sept 8th - 301 lbs
Sept 15th - 297 lbs
Sept 22nd - 296 lbs
Sept 30th - 291 lbs - change of -5 lbs, 90 to goal

Total loss - 310-320 - 291 = 19-29 lbs

Not bad, not bad at all...

Here's a record of my Blood Pressure following the D-day reading of 210/111

Sept 24th -
10:20 am - 120/94
3:05 pm - 119/100
9:45 pm - 128/101

Sept 25th -
9:40 am - 130/102
11:18 pm - 128/84

Sept 26th -
9:30 am - 127/84
2:30 pm - 132/91
9:30 pm - 122/89

Sept 27th
10:00 am - 126/86
3:30 pm - 132/90
1:30 am - 129/101

Sept 28th
10:00 am 132/100
4:00 pm 129/97
11:00 pm - 135/101

Sept 29th
9:30 am - 123/91
11:45 pm - 126/94

As you can see, it is dropping and leveling out. Though there are some flucuations in there. It's interesting to me to note that my BP seems to be higher on the weekends. lol... Gabe .... that's all I am saying is Gabe...

Sorry for the ABSOLUTE lack of pictures, there is NO excuse. I will endeavor to get some posted very very soon.

That's about it for now, back to the grind with me!

Shrink you say? Why yes, don't mind if I do....

Yay!

So, I have like 3 pairs of jeans. One pair was a tad big on me, yes I know, the shock and awe of a pair of jeans to big for my ample girth, who woulda thunk it! Anyhoooo... one pair was a bit big ( stop snickering ) the other two pairs were a tad tight ( again, stop with the snickering ). I got up this morning, grabbed a shower and got dressed, put my jeans on and went about my way. I started having to hitch them up over my derrier in short order. I figured oh well, gonna have to retire the tad too big jeans soon I guess.. I hate saying good bye to old jeans, well, hate it and love it in a way...progress baby yeaaaaah... BUT I then realized that the jeans I was wearing were NOT the tad too big ones, but rather, a pair of the tad too SMALL ones!!

VICTORY!!!

I love that the weight is coming off, one of the more rewarding things about losing weight is the excuse to buy new clothes. Value Village here I come. I had a look through some of my older clothes as well. I kept a bunch of stuff as I expanded, but I got rid of a lot of it as well. I should be ok for the next 50 lbs or so, but after that I have nothing. Actually, now that I think on it, I may be in the market for some new undies pretty soon though... not that the ones I have on shouldn't fit, its just that the waists are stretched and I don't see them contracting anytime soon. Folks, let me just state here what we all know but seldom say, there is NOTHING on this earth that sucks worse than your undies sliding down over your ass while you are walking, I mean, how do you fix them without looking like your scratching your butt???

Just a little overall update. I don't feel this time like the weight is coming off as fast as last time. That might have something to do with my age, it might have something to do with the fact that I shocked my body the first time around, and it's prepared for it this time ( I have a mental picture of all my fat cells digging into foxholes with little helmets on and bayonets at the ready ), it might not be anything, it might be coming off just as fast, I wish I had weighed myself from the start so I would know if I had the HUGE losses in the first couple of weeks I had the first time around ( I dropped 11 lbs in week one first time, it was a shock ). Either way, I just KNOW I HAVE to get back into that gym ASAP. I don't want what happened first time around to happen this time, were I become this sickly skinny thing first at 180 lbs and had to get back up to the hunky pile of man flesh I was prior to just becoming a pile of chunky man flesh. I think if I start lifting sooner rather than later the transition will be more fluid. Last time it was almost like I had to mutate once, and then undergo a secondary mutation later.

Either way, meals are fine, I could actually be walking more, its proving to be a little more difficult to get the walks in this time around, wife, a 5 year old and a 8 month old constricts my time somewhat. I don't begrudge them that, hell no, the best part of my day is going home and seeing Damian flap his arms with glee at seeing me and having Gabe run out and damn near knock my legs out from under me hugging me and saying he missed me. It does make it harder to just get up and go though. Regardless, I am getting enough walking in, I just want to get MORE in is all... perhaps I will have to start getting up an hour earlier and just going...hmmm... bah, who needs sleep anyway!!

Holy long post Batman... bored yet???

The Zone

Cruise control is great ain't it... just a few weeks in and the old habits, by old I mean pre-inflation old, are just kicking in big time. Water, what was the hardest for me to get going last time, is not a problem this time, drinking TONS of it. Meals are falling into place, cravings are under control, appetite is strong but subdued, exercise is getting done. All is going amazingly well and I couldn't be happier.

Well... yes I could be happier...

I COULD be in the friggin' gym. I am chomping at the bit here to get back in there. I find myself curling my grocery bags, or doing lifts with Damian...lol... I really want to get back in there. The clank of steel, the smell or old iron and sweat, the feeling of exhaustion and euphoria at the same time. I miss it, I want it and I think, no, I know, I need it!

I am skirting around the zone now, I can see it, I drift into it, but I can't get fully in there until I get into the gym. Then I will feel like this journey is really and truly underway once again.

Hopefully Monday the Doc will give me the ok to get back in there. If he does I can promise you that I will be in there Tuesday morning and the real work will begin in earnest. I for one, can't wait!

Rewards

Lets face facts for a second shale we? Human beings, as a rule, are selfish creatures who generally want to know whats in it for them. I am no different. One would think that the reward of my improving health, smaller waist, broadening clothing options etc. etc. would be enough. Alas, I am a greedy SOB and dammit I want all that and more!!

I have stated to Dee that as a reward for losing 100 lbs I would get the sleeve tattoo that I have wanted for a long time now. Problem with that is that those things cost big money, and folks, with an oil tank that needs filling, car payments, mortgage, 2 kids yada yada, big money is not something I have.

So, the solution? Well, damned if I know...lol...

I had thought that perhaps I would pay myself 3-4 bucks a pound, but that won't garner much really, also, money pooled seems to become money needed after too long. I could insert google adsense on here and try to make a few extra bucks, but I gotta tell you, the kind of traffic I would need to generate any sort of significant revenue, well, I just ain't gonna get it you know? I hate ads on personal sites anyway, just seems intrusive and really not needed.

I guess I could contact like Miami Ink and ask them if they would foot the bill for an impressive 100 lbs weight loss...lol... but I don't think that would work either.

So, any ideas? Anything, no matter how wacky might actually be the idea that works for me!

That being said and my personal needs being addressed, ;) , a little something on rewards. They work. We all know that its a great feeling to see progress, and it's a wonderful thing to witness, BUT, it can be slow week to week, and the process can become repetitive and tedious after some time. I always like to set some reward at certain targets. It could be as simple as allowing myself a full day of doing nothing but escaping into Warcraft, it could be as extravegant as a tattoo as I mentioned above. Bottom line, it gives me something to look forward to BEYOND the weight loss rewards. It broadens the focus and expands the process so that your whole life dosn't become just another detail in the weight loss program. It's very very easy to become obsessed and lose sight of the fact that your life is still progressing, that other people in your life, while applauding your journey, aren't a passenger on the same train as you.

Focus is important, but so is perspective... and I find little rewards to be a great aid to that end.

Monday Mass Day 2 ( the lite version )

So I have made a decision of sorts, I will be weighing every Monday, BUT, I will be doing pics and measurements every SECOND Monday. The reason behind this thinking is pretty straight forward, I want to see more change between pics. The weight tracking in fine, and it's a good tool to show progress, but I want the pics to mean major steps, or major shifts. It might not be a good idea, I don't know, perhaps weekly will be better, but for now we'll leave it as every two. As with all things, this policy is subject to change and the absolute whim of me...lol...

Now, weight, as indicated earlier in the week I cheated and weighed in. My weight then, on Friday I think it was, was 297, this morning it was also right around 297. Might have been a smidge over or under, but we'll call it 297 to be a nice round easy to work with number.

So, as an added feature of Monday Mass day, I will be charting the progress here...

August 25th Start weight ??? - we figure anywhere from 310-320
Sept 8th - 301 lbs
Sept 15th - 297 lbs - change of -4lbs, 96 to goal

Baby steps baby, it's all about the baby steps.

A quick word about my goal. Yes, I know I want to lose at least 100 lbs. However, that goal weight can and will change as I start in the gym and start adding the muscle mass. When I was at my best prior to the crime against myself and the subsequent 100lb plus weight gain, I was most comfortable at about 195. We'll see what transpires...

Anyhoo... off to get ready for work and a pre-work walk around the pond....

Thanks for your support folks!

Sunday Suuuuuuuuuunday.........

What a BEAUTIFUL Sunday here in Newfoundland!

Just getting ready for another day out with the family. The best part about what I am doing this time around as opposed to the first time is the fact that I get to share it day by day with my family, and folks, that's a very special thing.

Dee has been nothing short of wonderful through this, she still has her treats, as she should but she considerately asks me if its ok to have say, a chocolate bar, with me in the van with her. lol... She's amazing, always checking the labels with me, eating the meals I need to make this work, walking with me, encouraging, complimenting, why, one would almost think she loves me or something..lol...

Gabe still has his moments of almost forcing food on me. I had a chat with him last night about why Daddy can't eat some of the stuff he is offering me, about how Daddy wants to loss weight so he can play better with him and his brother and ride bike with him next summer. I think he is understanding it, though I don't think he really cares about the belly...lol... it's his snuggle pillow after all. He's been great on the walks though, a real trooper!

We are about to leave the house and go for another walk, and it makes me feel very happy. The one unexpected side effect of this whole thing is the way it has brought our little family closer together and the great activities we are now doing as a group. Fantastic...

Switching gears... I am nervous about next Monday, I have to head to the Docs and get my BP taken again. If it remains high it's medication time for me. I am dreading that really. I have been reading a little about BP meds and the tendency they have to make you feel a little dragged out and such. Nervous... lol... gonna drive my BP up stressing about it... sigh...

Update!!!!!

Just a quickie for now, Friday and Saturdays are always a little bit of the ol' madness in the Babstock household lol.

Just finished mowing the lawn and am now doing a little around the house,well, truth be told, Dee is doing a little around the house, I am actually just doing little around the house, its funny the difference one letter can make ain't it? lol

Ok, I cheated, no, not on the food, that's been going very very well thanks for asking, I cheated on the scale. I wasn't supposed to get on it till Monday, but the wee white shining finish and it's matte black foot areas just seduced me, I couldn't resist. Now, the reason I was wanting to hold off on stepping on that seductress is simple. The quickest way to get down about progress is constantly checking the scales. Weight loss is a slow process, if you are doing it right, and daily checks usually show small progress, thus, it could create a " My god I am going NOWHERE, now where's my pizza" type response. Glad to say, I didn't get that, what I DID get was a reading 0f 297, 4 lbs, 5 days... after two weeks of non-charted progress. 4 lbs in 5 days in the third week of what should be a slowing process... yup... I can surely live with that!

On another note, I am going to order me a pair of pants on e-bay today. Size 38, I want to get back to 34's, but 38 is my first milestone target. I want to be in those by X-mas. I will be in those by x-mas. Now that means losing 15 inches from my abdomen by then... a lofty number, but one I am confident I will reach, cause I am that damn good...lol... nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... just have a feeling I can is all, and a feeling is what I am embracing as fact...

Well, outta here, going shopping with the family, and a walk around the lake... YAY walks!

Ok...

Wow, been a while since I have been able to sit down and just let my fingers do a dance here. Sorry for the couple of short posts, its been a crazy couple of days, starting with a catastrophic computer crash, leading into a catastrophic car meltdown and culminated in a new van and a new computer. lol...

But ,as I indicated yesterday, through it all I have not wavered. I haven't been moving my ass as much as I would have liked, but I haven't let my foods defenses down either, for me, that's a HUGE deal.

Weight is coming off folks, pants are a little looser, not alot, but a little... I can sorta see it in certain parts. It's not drastic, most people aren't even noticing, but it's there and that's a great feeling for me. It's exciting... and going to be a lot more exciting as we move forward.

I still haven't joined the gym :(

I'll tell you why, I am a little afraid to be in there lifting weights with my blood pressure too high. Call me silly, but it seems to me that putting stress and strain on a body who would jet blood 300 feet if I were pinpricked isn't the smartest idea. Next week I will go back to the docs and get the ol' bp taken and one of two things will happen. I have either dropped the BP on my own and it will continue, or it's still high and I go on meds for it. Either scenario sees me in the gym. I just HATE taking pills... HATE HATE HATE it. Not that I have issues with them in physical sense, it just really bugs me, call it a quirk...

New pics and weights and measurements to come on Monday...

Excited yet?

lol

Another quickie

Just another quick update today.

Work is still a pain in the ass, having problems transferring data from a curropted drive. It will be done, its just not going quickly.

Bought a mini-van today lol... yup... I've arrived.

Had a treat of sorts today, but within plan, had a oven roasted chicken breast sub from Subway, no cheese, no mayo... but BBQ sauce yes... it was gooooood.

Promise a longer post later...

Ta for now!

The morning after

Well, the morning after the pics and I am still alive. Very short update for now, been one of those days. Our car has reached the clearing at the end of the path and we are looking for a new set of wheels, then, when I got to the office our computer fried and I had to go buy, setup and swear at a new one. Still here now in fact, waiting for software updates to complete. Then I need to install a slave drive to access files from the fried computer... bah...

Through it all, eating clean, feeling good...

And thanks for the comments Shane and Shaun, it helps so much to have support!

There's eye openers, then there eye SHOCKERS!

Well...

Ahem...

So, we bought a new scale. I was in error, I was not 285 as I thought, but in actuality I must have been around 310-15 or so. I know I have lost weight in the past two weeks, I can tell, Dee can tell.... so I figure 310-15 is a good guess. I don't need to guess anymore though... nope... I am a svelte and trim 301 lbs.... hey, that's not bad, it's only heaver than a new born elephant, or a year old cow, or 3 Andy Dicks...

All joking aside... I'm not floored anymore, I am getting used to the shocks that keep assaulting me in regards to my weight, health and appearance. I am once again struck though by how damn easy it is to fool yourself into thinking you are something you obviously aren't, and trust me, it was VERY VERY easy.

So, 301 lbs ( important to get that 1 lb in there ), only 121 to go, thats 10 lbs a month, 2.5 lbs a week and exactly 365 from today I will be a totally different baby elephant, I mean, MAN... yeah...

I am joking because I know I can and will do this, it will have ups and downs, peaks and valleys, but in the end the changes will be made and the transformation will be dramatic, this I promise you. I can further promise that in 730 days from now I will look even better as my promise to myself to be in better shape at 40 than 20 will come to fruition.

Now, on to the very very ugly... the pics.... please folks.... not for the weak..



Pretty bad huh? I was kinda floored by these pics. Again, at the risk of sounding like a broken record here, I had NO idea that I was this bad. Again, I knew I was bad, but this bad... nahhhh... Well, yes, it IS this bad. It will NEVER EVER be this bad again.

Now that I have these done and posted, I am taking great comfort in knowing that the next ones will be better, and the ones after that, and the ones after that and so on and so on... Time to skin this pelt!

Tidbits

My son is a demon spawn.

He was eating Chocolate Chip Pop-Tarts. And he was insisting I have one.

"Come on Daddy," he said, " You know you want one.."

"No thanks Gabe, Dad isn't eating that stuff anymore.."

"But it's full of chocolate, it's goooo-oooooood."

"I bet it is Gabe but daddy had his breakfast."

"But you want it don't you, it's yummy!"

Demon... demon... DEMON... lol... I persevered though, whew....

I DO love Pop-Tarts though... heh

I've missed blogging, as you might be able to tell from the frequency of my posts. I enjoy it, it motivates me and keeps me honest. I also missed just talking, telling a story, weaving a tale and reviewing it way down the road to see how full of shit I was at any given point. Not looking for lies, when I say full of shit I mean how confident I was in one thing or another only to not see it come to fruition. It's why I am being cautious with my goals this time, and a little guarded about my progress. I will get back to where I was and better ( by better I mean better in the cardio department, I am going to be biking this time, mainly because I want to be able to share that with my boys ), but I am not going to obsess and nitpick each and every milestone along the way. I used to do that, and I was also a camera whore. I'll take pics, but I won't be doing it as often and to the frequency I was in the past.

But yeah, back to missing blogging. It's like putting on an old comfortable sweater and being surprised to find it still fits. I slip into blogging mode that easily and with the same amount of comfort. If anything, I have to really watch myself to make sure I take the sweater off from time to time so it dosn't start stinking up the joint or wearing thin you know. Yes yes, I do like me a good anaology from time to time lol. It's also nice to see I have some returning visitors each day, means that some of you are enjoying this enough to come back each day, and thats satisying to me, and rewarding. My hope is as we progress that some of you may feel comfortable enough to take part in the comments section, ask some questions, take me to task on any of the more isiotic things I might say...

Shifting gears...

Was watching X-weighted last night. I generally enjoy the show if for no other reason than to see the looks of joy on peoples faces at the end of the program. However, I am more and more becoming a little miffed with the draconian measures the show takes. It's almost as if they treat these folks not at adults who have made a positive lifestyle change, but as hardened criminals who have pleaded guilty to the crime of obesity and must now pay the price. It obviously works, for the most part, but sometimes the extremes seem, well, a little extreme to me. Hey, god knows that maybe that kind of constant vigilance might have kept the weight off of me, but I am a firm believer, and it worked to at least TAKE the weight off me, that you MUST allow yourself a treat occasionally, and that you MUST make a gradual adjustment to ease in, other wise, lapses can and will happen. Just my opinion...

Said something to Shane today that I think will become my motto...

"I must learn to not only be excited about the journey, but I MUST be every bit as excited about the destination"

Before pics.... kinda... lol

What a great day! Got up this morning after a wee sleep in, a real treat for us let me tell you. Started in on some dishes, had a little breakfast ( mini-wheats and skim milk ), and went out and mowed the lawn. Now, I know its not much of a mile stone, however, 3 weeks ago when I mowed the lawn I actually had to take a break a couple of times, it was long and the mower was bogging down... same this time, it's been mega raining here and today was actually the first time I got a chance to mow the lawn. Well, not a problem, mowed the whole thing AND racked it and didn't feel like I needed much of a break at all. Little steps people, little steps...


Anyhoo... the reason for this post, beyond the lawn mowing thing, was that Dee took a couple of pics of Gabe and I when we were raking. I look huge, well, the reason being, I AM huge, but I look happy, and I don't look worn out and for now I am ok with that. Thing is it will serve as a decent before pic for now. When you have the mass to lose I do clothed pics can show as much as semi-nekkid ones. I figure come X-mas I'll have enough mass gone to start in on the shirt off pics and start tracking the progress on a finer scale.

Wow, that was painless...lol... kinda

Measurements addition

Just found some of my old blogs from 4 years ago. I thought, and I was right, that I had some measurements in there from what I am now calling my pinnacle, the period of time that I was at my best prior to the fulcrum swinging back to the condition I now find myself in... I don't want to beat myself up over this much more, but just for my own benifit here they are...

First, from March 2002...

Neck- 15.5 '
Chest- 46 '
Waist - 40 '
Left Upper Arm un-flexed - 12 '
Left forearm - 10
Thigh - 23' (both side)
Calf - 16' (both side)

Not bad... this was 7 months into my transformation. Sadly I don't have any measurements from the very start, this was 100 lbs later...

Now, from Feb 2004

Neck- 16 '
Chest- 44.5 '
Waist - 34.5 '
Left Upper Arm un-flexed - 13.5 '
Left Upper Arm flexed - 15.75 '
Right Upper Arm un-flexed - 13'
Left Upper Arm flexed - 15.25'
Left forearm - 11.5
Right forearm - 11.5
Thigh - 22' (both side)
Calf - 16.5 (both side)

I could seriously cry...

I'll be happy to get back to the first lot, be happier when I am closer to the second lot.

Quickie post on calorie intake

Well, one thing I have learned over the past couple of days is that I really need to increase my caloric intake. Ideally I would like to be up around 2000 calories daily right now, until I start in the gym in any event, at which time I should boost that by 500 or so, protein calories mostly, easily accomplished with a shake!

It's amazing to me how little calories can be eaten in a day and still feel satisfied. So far, just 10 days in, I have zero desire to cheat or anything. My business partner actually left a bag of cookies at the office , the bastard, lol, and I had zero cravings for them despite them being RIGHT there large as life... this is a HUGE step for me.

On last thing, it looks like I will have my pics and measurements up this weekend as well... still not looking forward to the pics... blah...

And finally, I am going to leave you with a pic of my main man Gabe. He started in kindergarten today and I really couldn't be prouder of him... HE is my inspiration, along with his brother and my sweetie...

Later folks!

Oh gross

Ye gads.... I knew I was bad, but man, this is just crazy!!! For shits and grins I decided to log what would be a typical Tuesday for me. Here in Canada Tuesday is known as Twoonie Tuesdays at KFC. I would get two of these, which amounted to 2 legs, 2 wings and 2 servings of fries. I would eat one for lunch and another a little later. Typically in the morning prior to heading into the office I would either finish Gabes Sandwich or have one of my own. On the way into work we would grab coffees at Timmies and more often than not a box of timbits. That night when I got home we would have a late supper, and during the summer a BBQ wouldn't be out of the question. Typically again we would BBQ a pack of wieners first, then steaks. We would have say baked spuds with ranch dressing and a heaping pile of mushrooms, onions and peppers sauteed. Then later than night it wouldn't be a stretch to have a big bag of Doritos with a onion dip. Ice cream is not unheard of as well...

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY shit, its just sickening when you lay it all out there like that... sick sick sick... NO MORE... this Fitday program is going to make me SO responsible for what goes into my body... wow... I am floored. Floored that I could eat that in a day and NOT think it would affect me, floored that I had gotten to a state of denial so thorough and complete that it would allow me to function like that... wow... kick in the ass??? Oh hell yeah.... this will NEVER happen again, it can't, I'll die... literally, I will die, intakes like that will kill me as sure as a bullet to the brain will kill me...

Folks, if you eat fastfood, if you eat crap... do yourself a favor and enter a fitday journal for ONE day and see what it gets you... it could be the best thing you have EVER done...

Now I am going to go and shake my head a little more... and bear this shame...

Fitday Journal

Well, just started up my fitday journal. I really liked this tool when I last lost weight and I plan on using it to make it a success this time around as well...

You can view my summary anytime by following this link.

It's also over there on the right in my link section.

Man, I need to actually UP my caloric intake right now... thats actually a surprise as I am not at all hungry...

I'll be filling in more details there as well as I proceed...

Try it out, it works like a charm!

Blah...

Still waiting on those before pics. I am hoping to get a chance to get them done this evening, if not, for sure by the weekend. I do have a rather GROSS picture to share though. This was taken the weekend of our wedding. At a beach in the town next door. Not pretty at all. You know at the time I didn't think I was that big. It was when I started seeing the wedding pictures that I really realized that something was terribly wrong with me. Still though, that wasn't enough to kick me in the ass and snap out of it.

Luckily though, in looking at other pictures taken more recently, for example when Damian came home, I don't THINK I look near as bloated and just soft as I did there. I have to admit, the winter and spring leading up to our wedding was something of a mess for me. My mother passed away in Jan, we actually debated getting married at all that summer as planned, we then decided to have a scaled back version and finally decided to go all out and do what we would have done had Mom not passed. I am not for one moment blaming the way I looked on Mom's passing, that would be a cop-out. I am however not so naive as to think I wasn't doing and EXTREME amount of comfort and stress related eating, once again, falling back on my addiction with full force.

I do feel bad for Dee though, she fell in love with a guy who was in pretty decent shape, active and full of energy, she ended up marrying a bloated version who was in poor shape and lethargic. I apologized to her for letting it get to that point. I really didn't mean for it to happen, I really didn't realize how bad it was... she is an amazing woman to love me equally throughout...