Showing posts with label disgust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disgust. Show all posts

Monday, July 20, 2009

The whole sad tooth lol

Well..

So, here's the deal... the tooth that was pulled was fine, needed to be pulled and I'm glad its gone. The problem however is this, the tooth that was pulled was NOT the whole issue. There was, or is, an infection in another tooth. It drove me mad with pain and of course there was no prescription for antibiotics when I had the original extraction. So I had to get a new scrip and wait for it to work.

Bottom line? 3 more sleepless nights....

There's no end I swear.

However, today I feel great, no pain at all and just waiting to finish out this course of Antibiotics and it off for a root canal... FUN I tell you.... FUN!!

Scale still dropping though...

Here we go, awful truth time...

I had snuck back up over 300 lbs.

Crazy.... like an addict I kept putting it back on and denying it.... but there you go.

Anyhooooo..... I was at 314 lbs this time around.... 314lbs... crazy number huh?

I got the fright and jumped back on the program again. My wife is my whip in this, my kids are the carrot.

That 314 was on July 1st, now, July 20th, not three weeks later, I am at 290. That's 24lbs in three weeks for the weak in math among us. Not bad, about what I would expect to be honest. It'll slow down some now.

Looking at setting a gym up in my shed. I just have this romantic image in my mind of going out there in Mid-Jan, getting the wood stove lit and stoked and working out while it's -15 outside and the snow is howling. Kinda like Rocky in Russia lol...

Also thinking about a bike... Gabe is learning now, it would be nice to be able to bike ride with him.

Thats about it for now...

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Kicking back!

Well I feel GREAT!!!

No really, I do... the dizziness and fatigue of yesterday is a thing of, well, yesterday. I woke up this morning feeling awesome, no aches, no pains just awake and rearing to go. It makes me wonder about before you know. I used to wake up achy, not really rested, I just wrote it all off as being overweight and out of shape and of course, the ol' catch all of being older. Now though, I have to wonder, how much of it was blood pressure related?

117/78 this morning by the way.... YAY!

I am just hoping and praying that this keeps up and please god I will be allowed to do more than just walk within two weeks. I am SOOOOOOOO ready for the gym, SOOOOOO ready to spend a week or more in absolute agony while my body adjusts to doing things it hasn't been doing in a long long time. SOOOOOOOOOOO ready to see the flab turn back to muscle and just feel good about myself.

Speaking of that. I have been thinking a little lately about body image and our perception of ourselves in our own skin. You often hear that women are bombarded by skinny women everywhere they turn, and that it helps reinforce what for many is an unrealistic body type. That's so true, and I am not for one moment trying to lessen that impact. I have also often heard that men aren't effected by this. Well, this man surely is. I have heard it said that men don't care, that they can let it all hang out so to speak and it's really matters not a lick to them. Well, to this man, it surely does. I mean, great if you have that kind of spirit that allows you to not care. Perhaps that is the truly noble way to be, perhaps to be otherwise is a weakness? So be it, truth told, I would be mortified to go swimming at a public pool, I would actually wear a t-shirt all the time if I were on a vacation to the south, I don't even really like my wife seeing me totally nekkid, and that's just wrong. However, when we watch TV we see trim and fit men everywhere, you don't see any Gillette commercials where a guy is stood in front of the mirror with his chest hair all matted from the shower and his beer belly hanging out over the top of his towel, you don't see any beer commercials where the guy is wheezing and huffing his way out of the beer store to squeeze behind the wheel of his 1996 Hyundai... nope, more often then not, its a guy with perfect teeth, hair, pecs and a 6 pack. That's the way it is, and that's the way it will stay, cause hey, selling the image works!

So, rather than try and change the psyche, I will change to body. I will never be the guy in the Gillette commercial, but I will be as comfortable as that guy.

Been talking to a few people over the past weeks. Many of them like me are morbidly obese like me... for the matter of clarification, here's a reference to what makes you morbidly obese...

* Underweight = <18.5
* Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
* Overweight = 25-29.9
* Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater
* Any BMI > 40 is severe obesity
* A BMI of 40.0–49.9 is morbid obesity
* A BMI of >50 is super obese

... my BMI currently is 41.7, which makes me morbidly obese. There are a ton of BMI calculators out there, give it whirl, you might be surprised. Oh, before I continue on my current train of thought, here's a little aside. For those of you out there right now, and you know you are doing it, that are looking at this and saying something like, well, I'm bigged boned, they don't take that into account, yada yada...well... they do.... thats why there is a 10 point range, and with the exception of...

* highly muscular adults;
* adults who have a very lean body build;
* young adults who have not reached full growth; and
* adults over 65 years of age.

... it's a perfectly reliable and accurate tool, so get over it, if it says you are morbidly obese then you are morbidly obese, get off your fat ass, stop justifying and making excuses and do something about it rather than fret about the number. Anyhoo... back to our regular programming.

Anyway, I have been asked, what does it take to lose the weight. The answer folks is surprisingly simple. Eat less calories than you burn in a run of a day. Wow, earth shattering huh?? Seriously though, that's it, that's all there is to it. Now, there are extremes and degrees to how you do this. For me it's meant cutting out all takeout, it's meant not frying anything, it's meant portion control and it's meant eating stuff that is a near to its natural state as it can be. In other words, no frozen dinners, no canned foods, nothing pre-packaged or processed in anyway when and where possible. It's also meant drinking about 4-5 liters of water a day and walking everyday. For someone else it could just mean cutting out deserts, or drinking less alcohol. Really everyone is different and what works for one might or might not work for another.

The thing is. If you are like me, and are morbidly obese, then just cutting back a little may not cut it. I will go so far as to say, in my opinion, minor tweeks are a cop-out and the tendancy to slide or slip is far far worse if you are not ready to make a 100% commitment. If you are continuing to drink something, or eat something, even in smaller quanities when you KNOW it's going to put weight on you, or isn't the best choice for the goals you have set, if you are doing that based on some thought that you like it too much to give it up entirly, then you are weak and you aren't ready to make the changes you really need to to become healthy and correct your weight. This isn't a kinda sorta thing, it's deadly serious, and it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but your weight will kill you, it will kill you as surely as a bullet to the brain, just not as fast. You will get diabetes, you will get high blood pressure, you will develope back problems, you will develop mobility issues, you will be prone to infection... you will DIE, the food you are eating will kill you. This is NOT melodrama, this is NOT being too serious. If your health, your life and your happiness isn't more meaningful to you then a bottle of beer or a cheeseburger, then please, have at it, but if you want to live a full life where you aren't concerned about the possibility of not being able to fit into a seat, or if you can climb that hill to enjoy the view, or if this is the day that the clothes you have been wearing no longer fits, then change, change everything that got you here and change it now. It can be done and if you want it, NEED it, then you can do it 100%.

Rant over... back to work...lol....

Monday, September 8, 2008

There's eye openers, then there eye SHOCKERS!

Well...

Ahem...

So, we bought a new scale. I was in error, I was not 285 as I thought, but in actuality I must have been around 310-15 or so. I know I have lost weight in the past two weeks, I can tell, Dee can tell.... so I figure 310-15 is a good guess. I don't need to guess anymore though... nope... I am a svelte and trim 301 lbs.... hey, that's not bad, it's only heaver than a new born elephant, or a year old cow, or 3 Andy Dicks...

All joking aside... I'm not floored anymore, I am getting used to the shocks that keep assaulting me in regards to my weight, health and appearance. I am once again struck though by how damn easy it is to fool yourself into thinking you are something you obviously aren't, and trust me, it was VERY VERY easy.

So, 301 lbs ( important to get that 1 lb in there ), only 121 to go, thats 10 lbs a month, 2.5 lbs a week and exactly 365 from today I will be a totally different baby elephant, I mean, MAN... yeah...

I am joking because I know I can and will do this, it will have ups and downs, peaks and valleys, but in the end the changes will be made and the transformation will be dramatic, this I promise you. I can further promise that in 730 days from now I will look even better as my promise to myself to be in better shape at 40 than 20 will come to fruition.

Now, on to the very very ugly... the pics.... please folks.... not for the weak..



Pretty bad huh? I was kinda floored by these pics. Again, at the risk of sounding like a broken record here, I had NO idea that I was this bad. Again, I knew I was bad, but this bad... nahhhh... Well, yes, it IS this bad. It will NEVER EVER be this bad again.

Now that I have these done and posted, I am taking great comfort in knowing that the next ones will be better, and the ones after that, and the ones after that and so on and so on... Time to skin this pelt!

Monday Mass Day

Well, I just saw that a friend of mine was vrey very brave and posted starting pics of herself, it takes a lot of guts to post pics when you aren't in the least bit happy about them. It called bearing yourself to the world and it was a step I frankly was NOT prepared to make, I'm a coward yes I know...

BUT... cowardice be damned, I need to be accountable for the actions I took that made me lapse into this horrible costume I am currently wearing. I call it a costume because this isn't the real me. It might be the me that I was for 90% of my adult life, but that dosen't make it who I am.

So, tonight there will be pics... they won't be pretty, they may be shocking, they may induce mild tremors and other such afflications in the weak hearted amongst you... but they will be here and I will be accountable...

I have also decided that every Monday will be Mass day....

Whats this means is that Monday is the day I will weigh myself and put it out there for all to judge. I will also do updated pics every Monday and those too will be posted for all to judge. I can promise you this, they will never be as scary again as they will be when I start, unless of course I decide to wear a leopard skin thong... no... that won't happen...lol....

So check back later tonight for the big unviel.. it's gonna be... well... big...

Friday, September 5, 2008

A holy shit moment...

There's not really much to say... I was riding such a high and now I just want to crawl away and sob...

Starting taking my measurements, was going to do the whole gambit... from neck down to calves and all points in between but I just stopped when I had a few... no point in taking smaller measurements when the bigger ones paint an obvious story... once I lose some inches in the core I'll take them elsewhere...

For now, here's the awful awful truth...

Neck - 17
Chest - 55
Abdomen - 53
Hips - 51

Pictures will be coming at a later date, I've taken as much visual truth as I can for a couple of days.

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