The whole sad tooth lol

Well..

So, here's the deal... the tooth that was pulled was fine, needed to be pulled and I'm glad its gone. The problem however is this, the tooth that was pulled was NOT the whole issue. There was, or is, an infection in another tooth. It drove me mad with pain and of course there was no prescription for antibiotics when I had the original extraction. So I had to get a new scrip and wait for it to work.

Bottom line? 3 more sleepless nights....

There's no end I swear.

However, today I feel great, no pain at all and just waiting to finish out this course of Antibiotics and it off for a root canal... FUN I tell you.... FUN!!

Scale still dropping though...

Here we go, awful truth time...

I had snuck back up over 300 lbs.

Crazy.... like an addict I kept putting it back on and denying it.... but there you go.

Anyhooooo..... I was at 314 lbs this time around.... 314lbs... crazy number huh?

I got the fright and jumped back on the program again. My wife is my whip in this, my kids are the carrot.

That 314 was on July 1st, now, July 20th, not three weeks later, I am at 290. That's 24lbs in three weeks for the weak in math among us. Not bad, about what I would expect to be honest. It'll slow down some now.

Looking at setting a gym up in my shed. I just have this romantic image in my mind of going out there in Mid-Jan, getting the wood stove lit and stoked and working out while it's -15 outside and the snow is howling. Kinda like Rocky in Russia lol...

Also thinking about a bike... Gabe is learning now, it would be nice to be able to bike ride with him.

Thats about it for now...

Keeping the belly full and the mind occupied

Well, it never ceases to surprise me. How easy it is to eat WAY too many calories eating the wrong foods, how hard it is to get enough calories when eating the right. Amazing. Fill your gut with greens, veggies, fruits and unprocessed meats and it takes alot to get the calories in that your body burns. Right now, not including walking, my frame should be burning around 3500 calories to just get from point a to point b in the run of 24 hours. A larger frame, or a fatter butt, pick one may it suit yea, needs extra just to go about its business. Right now I am struggling to get 2k of quality calories into me. Now you may say, that's the point ain't it? Well no, the point is to lose weight slowly, to maintain an energy level, to not become sluggish, lethargic or disillusioned, that's the point.

So, what to do? Well, the simple solution is a protein powder supplement to get those extra calories. That's the easy way, but not the way I would prefer. The other option is an extra meal, which would likely be the route I take. It makes more sense to me. You keep the body digesting throughout the day and you get that metabolic burn increase that is what we want.

I have a little junk yesterday, not enough to screw my calories or suddenly make me blow up like Mrs. Puff, but not the kind of healthy, close to vine, just out of the ground, not far removed from grazing kind of food intake I want. That being said, those three Canada Day BBQed hot dogs were AWESOME...lol, there's something about singed and charred processed meat on a fluffy processed bun that is just sooooooo good ;)

Well off to work with me. Thanks for listening!

Kicking back!

Well I feel GREAT!!!

No really, I do... the dizziness and fatigue of yesterday is a thing of, well, yesterday. I woke up this morning feeling awesome, no aches, no pains just awake and rearing to go. It makes me wonder about before you know. I used to wake up achy, not really rested, I just wrote it all off as being overweight and out of shape and of course, the ol' catch all of being older. Now though, I have to wonder, how much of it was blood pressure related?

117/78 this morning by the way.... YAY!

I am just hoping and praying that this keeps up and please god I will be allowed to do more than just walk within two weeks. I am SOOOOOOOO ready for the gym, SOOOOOO ready to spend a week or more in absolute agony while my body adjusts to doing things it hasn't been doing in a long long time. SOOOOOOOOOOO ready to see the flab turn back to muscle and just feel good about myself.

Speaking of that. I have been thinking a little lately about body image and our perception of ourselves in our own skin. You often hear that women are bombarded by skinny women everywhere they turn, and that it helps reinforce what for many is an unrealistic body type. That's so true, and I am not for one moment trying to lessen that impact. I have also often heard that men aren't effected by this. Well, this man surely is. I have heard it said that men don't care, that they can let it all hang out so to speak and it's really matters not a lick to them. Well, to this man, it surely does. I mean, great if you have that kind of spirit that allows you to not care. Perhaps that is the truly noble way to be, perhaps to be otherwise is a weakness? So be it, truth told, I would be mortified to go swimming at a public pool, I would actually wear a t-shirt all the time if I were on a vacation to the south, I don't even really like my wife seeing me totally nekkid, and that's just wrong. However, when we watch TV we see trim and fit men everywhere, you don't see any Gillette commercials where a guy is stood in front of the mirror with his chest hair all matted from the shower and his beer belly hanging out over the top of his towel, you don't see any beer commercials where the guy is wheezing and huffing his way out of the beer store to squeeze behind the wheel of his 1996 Hyundai... nope, more often then not, its a guy with perfect teeth, hair, pecs and a 6 pack. That's the way it is, and that's the way it will stay, cause hey, selling the image works!

So, rather than try and change the psyche, I will change to body. I will never be the guy in the Gillette commercial, but I will be as comfortable as that guy.

Been talking to a few people over the past weeks. Many of them like me are morbidly obese like me... for the matter of clarification, here's a reference to what makes you morbidly obese...

* Underweight = <18.5
* Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
* Overweight = 25-29.9
* Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater
* Any BMI > 40 is severe obesity
* A BMI of 40.0–49.9 is morbid obesity
* A BMI of >50 is super obese

... my BMI currently is 41.7, which makes me morbidly obese. There are a ton of BMI calculators out there, give it whirl, you might be surprised. Oh, before I continue on my current train of thought, here's a little aside. For those of you out there right now, and you know you are doing it, that are looking at this and saying something like, well, I'm bigged boned, they don't take that into account, yada yada...well... they do.... thats why there is a 10 point range, and with the exception of...

* highly muscular adults;
* adults who have a very lean body build;
* young adults who have not reached full growth; and
* adults over 65 years of age.

... it's a perfectly reliable and accurate tool, so get over it, if it says you are morbidly obese then you are morbidly obese, get off your fat ass, stop justifying and making excuses and do something about it rather than fret about the number. Anyhoo... back to our regular programming.

Anyway, I have been asked, what does it take to lose the weight. The answer folks is surprisingly simple. Eat less calories than you burn in a run of a day. Wow, earth shattering huh?? Seriously though, that's it, that's all there is to it. Now, there are extremes and degrees to how you do this. For me it's meant cutting out all takeout, it's meant not frying anything, it's meant portion control and it's meant eating stuff that is a near to its natural state as it can be. In other words, no frozen dinners, no canned foods, nothing pre-packaged or processed in anyway when and where possible. It's also meant drinking about 4-5 liters of water a day and walking everyday. For someone else it could just mean cutting out deserts, or drinking less alcohol. Really everyone is different and what works for one might or might not work for another.

The thing is. If you are like me, and are morbidly obese, then just cutting back a little may not cut it. I will go so far as to say, in my opinion, minor tweeks are a cop-out and the tendancy to slide or slip is far far worse if you are not ready to make a 100% commitment. If you are continuing to drink something, or eat something, even in smaller quanities when you KNOW it's going to put weight on you, or isn't the best choice for the goals you have set, if you are doing that based on some thought that you like it too much to give it up entirly, then you are weak and you aren't ready to make the changes you really need to to become healthy and correct your weight. This isn't a kinda sorta thing, it's deadly serious, and it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but your weight will kill you, it will kill you as surely as a bullet to the brain, just not as fast. You will get diabetes, you will get high blood pressure, you will develope back problems, you will develop mobility issues, you will be prone to infection... you will DIE, the food you are eating will kill you. This is NOT melodrama, this is NOT being too serious. If your health, your life and your happiness isn't more meaningful to you then a bottle of beer or a cheeseburger, then please, have at it, but if you want to live a full life where you aren't concerned about the possibility of not being able to fit into a seat, or if you can climb that hill to enjoy the view, or if this is the day that the clothes you have been wearing no longer fits, then change, change everything that got you here and change it now. It can be done and if you want it, NEED it, then you can do it 100%.

Rant over... back to work...lol....

In the news today lol

A quickie to update yesterdays BP readings...

10:30 am Sept 24th - 120/94
3:05 pm Sept 24th - 119/100
9:45 pm Sept 24th - 128/101

Much better, though I do have a high diastolic number....

Progress.... progress is good!

Good news...

Took my BP this morning and surprise surprise, it was a much healthier 120/94. Looks like the pills are going to do the job, at least, the early optimistic prognosis is that!

I need to have the BP under control for 2 weeks before I am allowed in the gym. So lets hope that I can do that!

Shrink you say? Why yes, don't mind if I do....

Yay!

So, I have like 3 pairs of jeans. One pair was a tad big on me, yes I know, the shock and awe of a pair of jeans to big for my ample girth, who woulda thunk it! Anyhoooo... one pair was a bit big ( stop snickering ) the other two pairs were a tad tight ( again, stop with the snickering ). I got up this morning, grabbed a shower and got dressed, put my jeans on and went about my way. I started having to hitch them up over my derrier in short order. I figured oh well, gonna have to retire the tad too big jeans soon I guess.. I hate saying good bye to old jeans, well, hate it and love it in a way...progress baby yeaaaaah... BUT I then realized that the jeans I was wearing were NOT the tad too big ones, but rather, a pair of the tad too SMALL ones!!

VICTORY!!!

I love that the weight is coming off, one of the more rewarding things about losing weight is the excuse to buy new clothes. Value Village here I come. I had a look through some of my older clothes as well. I kept a bunch of stuff as I expanded, but I got rid of a lot of it as well. I should be ok for the next 50 lbs or so, but after that I have nothing. Actually, now that I think on it, I may be in the market for some new undies pretty soon though... not that the ones I have on shouldn't fit, its just that the waists are stretched and I don't see them contracting anytime soon. Folks, let me just state here what we all know but seldom say, there is NOTHING on this earth that sucks worse than your undies sliding down over your ass while you are walking, I mean, how do you fix them without looking like your scratching your butt???

Just a little overall update. I don't feel this time like the weight is coming off as fast as last time. That might have something to do with my age, it might have something to do with the fact that I shocked my body the first time around, and it's prepared for it this time ( I have a mental picture of all my fat cells digging into foxholes with little helmets on and bayonets at the ready ), it might not be anything, it might be coming off just as fast, I wish I had weighed myself from the start so I would know if I had the HUGE losses in the first couple of weeks I had the first time around ( I dropped 11 lbs in week one first time, it was a shock ). Either way, I just KNOW I HAVE to get back into that gym ASAP. I don't want what happened first time around to happen this time, were I become this sickly skinny thing first at 180 lbs and had to get back up to the hunky pile of man flesh I was prior to just becoming a pile of chunky man flesh. I think if I start lifting sooner rather than later the transition will be more fluid. Last time it was almost like I had to mutate once, and then undergo a secondary mutation later.

Either way, meals are fine, I could actually be walking more, its proving to be a little more difficult to get the walks in this time around, wife, a 5 year old and a 8 month old constricts my time somewhat. I don't begrudge them that, hell no, the best part of my day is going home and seeing Damian flap his arms with glee at seeing me and having Gabe run out and damn near knock my legs out from under me hugging me and saying he missed me. It does make it harder to just get up and go though. Regardless, I am getting enough walking in, I just want to get MORE in is all... perhaps I will have to start getting up an hour earlier and just going...hmmm... bah, who needs sleep anyway!!

Holy long post Batman... bored yet???

Monday Mass Day 2 ( the lite version )

So I have made a decision of sorts, I will be weighing every Monday, BUT, I will be doing pics and measurements every SECOND Monday. The reason behind this thinking is pretty straight forward, I want to see more change between pics. The weight tracking in fine, and it's a good tool to show progress, but I want the pics to mean major steps, or major shifts. It might not be a good idea, I don't know, perhaps weekly will be better, but for now we'll leave it as every two. As with all things, this policy is subject to change and the absolute whim of me...lol...

Now, weight, as indicated earlier in the week I cheated and weighed in. My weight then, on Friday I think it was, was 297, this morning it was also right around 297. Might have been a smidge over or under, but we'll call it 297 to be a nice round easy to work with number.

So, as an added feature of Monday Mass day, I will be charting the progress here...

August 25th Start weight ??? - we figure anywhere from 310-320
Sept 8th - 301 lbs
Sept 15th - 297 lbs - change of -4lbs, 96 to goal

Baby steps baby, it's all about the baby steps.

A quick word about my goal. Yes, I know I want to lose at least 100 lbs. However, that goal weight can and will change as I start in the gym and start adding the muscle mass. When I was at my best prior to the crime against myself and the subsequent 100lb plus weight gain, I was most comfortable at about 195. We'll see what transpires...

Anyhoo... off to get ready for work and a pre-work walk around the pond....

Thanks for your support folks!

Update!!!!!

Just a quickie for now, Friday and Saturdays are always a little bit of the ol' madness in the Babstock household lol.

Just finished mowing the lawn and am now doing a little around the house,well, truth be told, Dee is doing a little around the house, I am actually just doing little around the house, its funny the difference one letter can make ain't it? lol

Ok, I cheated, no, not on the food, that's been going very very well thanks for asking, I cheated on the scale. I wasn't supposed to get on it till Monday, but the wee white shining finish and it's matte black foot areas just seduced me, I couldn't resist. Now, the reason I was wanting to hold off on stepping on that seductress is simple. The quickest way to get down about progress is constantly checking the scales. Weight loss is a slow process, if you are doing it right, and daily checks usually show small progress, thus, it could create a " My god I am going NOWHERE, now where's my pizza" type response. Glad to say, I didn't get that, what I DID get was a reading 0f 297, 4 lbs, 5 days... after two weeks of non-charted progress. 4 lbs in 5 days in the third week of what should be a slowing process... yup... I can surely live with that!

On another note, I am going to order me a pair of pants on e-bay today. Size 38, I want to get back to 34's, but 38 is my first milestone target. I want to be in those by X-mas. I will be in those by x-mas. Now that means losing 15 inches from my abdomen by then... a lofty number, but one I am confident I will reach, cause I am that damn good...lol... nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... just have a feeling I can is all, and a feeling is what I am embracing as fact...

Well, outta here, going shopping with the family, and a walk around the lake... YAY walks!

Ok...

Wow, been a while since I have been able to sit down and just let my fingers do a dance here. Sorry for the couple of short posts, its been a crazy couple of days, starting with a catastrophic computer crash, leading into a catastrophic car meltdown and culminated in a new van and a new computer. lol...

But ,as I indicated yesterday, through it all I have not wavered. I haven't been moving my ass as much as I would have liked, but I haven't let my foods defenses down either, for me, that's a HUGE deal.

Weight is coming off folks, pants are a little looser, not alot, but a little... I can sorta see it in certain parts. It's not drastic, most people aren't even noticing, but it's there and that's a great feeling for me. It's exciting... and going to be a lot more exciting as we move forward.

I still haven't joined the gym :(

I'll tell you why, I am a little afraid to be in there lifting weights with my blood pressure too high. Call me silly, but it seems to me that putting stress and strain on a body who would jet blood 300 feet if I were pinpricked isn't the smartest idea. Next week I will go back to the docs and get the ol' bp taken and one of two things will happen. I have either dropped the BP on my own and it will continue, or it's still high and I go on meds for it. Either scenario sees me in the gym. I just HATE taking pills... HATE HATE HATE it. Not that I have issues with them in physical sense, it just really bugs me, call it a quirk...

New pics and weights and measurements to come on Monday...

Excited yet?

lol

Another quickie

Just another quick update today.

Work is still a pain in the ass, having problems transferring data from a curropted drive. It will be done, its just not going quickly.

Bought a mini-van today lol... yup... I've arrived.

Had a treat of sorts today, but within plan, had a oven roasted chicken breast sub from Subway, no cheese, no mayo... but BBQ sauce yes... it was gooooood.

Promise a longer post later...

Ta for now!

The morning after

Well, the morning after the pics and I am still alive. Very short update for now, been one of those days. Our car has reached the clearing at the end of the path and we are looking for a new set of wheels, then, when I got to the office our computer fried and I had to go buy, setup and swear at a new one. Still here now in fact, waiting for software updates to complete. Then I need to install a slave drive to access files from the fried computer... bah...

Through it all, eating clean, feeling good...

And thanks for the comments Shane and Shaun, it helps so much to have support!

There's eye openers, then there eye SHOCKERS!

Well...

Ahem...

So, we bought a new scale. I was in error, I was not 285 as I thought, but in actuality I must have been around 310-15 or so. I know I have lost weight in the past two weeks, I can tell, Dee can tell.... so I figure 310-15 is a good guess. I don't need to guess anymore though... nope... I am a svelte and trim 301 lbs.... hey, that's not bad, it's only heaver than a new born elephant, or a year old cow, or 3 Andy Dicks...

All joking aside... I'm not floored anymore, I am getting used to the shocks that keep assaulting me in regards to my weight, health and appearance. I am once again struck though by how damn easy it is to fool yourself into thinking you are something you obviously aren't, and trust me, it was VERY VERY easy.

So, 301 lbs ( important to get that 1 lb in there ), only 121 to go, thats 10 lbs a month, 2.5 lbs a week and exactly 365 from today I will be a totally different baby elephant, I mean, MAN... yeah...

I am joking because I know I can and will do this, it will have ups and downs, peaks and valleys, but in the end the changes will be made and the transformation will be dramatic, this I promise you. I can further promise that in 730 days from now I will look even better as my promise to myself to be in better shape at 40 than 20 will come to fruition.

Now, on to the very very ugly... the pics.... please folks.... not for the weak..



Pretty bad huh? I was kinda floored by these pics. Again, at the risk of sounding like a broken record here, I had NO idea that I was this bad. Again, I knew I was bad, but this bad... nahhhh... Well, yes, it IS this bad. It will NEVER EVER be this bad again.

Now that I have these done and posted, I am taking great comfort in knowing that the next ones will be better, and the ones after that, and the ones after that and so on and so on... Time to skin this pelt!

Monday Mass Day

Well, I just saw that a friend of mine was vrey very brave and posted starting pics of herself, it takes a lot of guts to post pics when you aren't in the least bit happy about them. It called bearing yourself to the world and it was a step I frankly was NOT prepared to make, I'm a coward yes I know...

BUT... cowardice be damned, I need to be accountable for the actions I took that made me lapse into this horrible costume I am currently wearing. I call it a costume because this isn't the real me. It might be the me that I was for 90% of my adult life, but that dosen't make it who I am.

So, tonight there will be pics... they won't be pretty, they may be shocking, they may induce mild tremors and other such afflications in the weak hearted amongst you... but they will be here and I will be accountable...

I have also decided that every Monday will be Mass day....

Whats this means is that Monday is the day I will weigh myself and put it out there for all to judge. I will also do updated pics every Monday and those too will be posted for all to judge. I can promise you this, they will never be as scary again as they will be when I start, unless of course I decide to wear a leopard skin thong... no... that won't happen...lol....

So check back later tonight for the big unviel.. it's gonna be... well... big...

Health Update

Well.. I had a return visit to my Doc this morning for a blood pressure check as well as review the results from the blood work I had completed a week or so ago. Bad news first, my blood pressure is still up. This is a cause for concern of course and I will admit I was more than a little disappointed to see that. I actually felt as if I might have made some progress on that front over the past two weeks and in fact when I took my BP myself at Wal-Mart a couple of days ago it had shown a significant drop. Doc informed me that BP is elevated in the morning and a crappy nights sleep might have contributed to it as well, however, if it remains high next visit in two weeks, then blood pressure meds will be likely administered.

Now, I can't say the high BP was a shock, given my weight in conjunction with my family history, it just sucks when you think positive movement is being made and you find out that in actuality, no movement has been made... on that front anyway.

On to the blood work.

I will now admit a HUGE fear of mine prior to getting the blood work results was cancer. No real sane reason for thinking anything might be wrong on that front, but the nugget of doubt was firmly placed in my mind, and like an oyster, it just grew and grew and grew.... happily, no such thing... My overall levels were perfect, iron, red blood cell count etc. etc. with one unsurprising blip. My cholesterol. Its not off the charts, not even in the HIGH risk bracket, but it is elevated. Now that being said. My blood work was taken prior to two weeks of good eating and exercise, so who knows. We have new blood work on the calendar for 3 months time. I am confident that the cholesterol will be in check at that time.

Hmm... there was supposed to be good news with the bad....lol...

Oh, I guess the fact that I am 100% on track, getting my gym membership this week, haven't felt any desire to cheat or lapse at this point is a good news item...lol...

Dee is going out today and picking up a bunch of cooking supplies. I am increasingly disgusted with the amount of sodium I am taking in, all while trying to avoid it. Sodium my friends, is everywhere and in everything, its just plain crazy. For example, I like plain water, but sometimes I like a flavoured water for a change of pace. This morning when I left the Doc's I dropped in the grocery store to pick up my lunch ( grapes, broccoli florets and a friggin Lean Cuisine sodium bomb) I bought a bottle of Aguafina Flavour Splash... guess wat? SODIUM... 170 mgs of the friggin' stuff. So, anyway, we are going to be doing a little cooking, packaging and freezing in order to get the closest to unprocessed as we can and hopefully that will help alleviate the sodium fiasco.

That's about it for now I guess, I hope you guys who are reading this like the new blog layout, I like my banner, everyday its there as a reminder of where I was, where I dropped, and what I screwed up and let slip. I will be changing out the last picture in the banner from time to time as I evolve, so it will be an interesting thing to keep your eyes on.

Hope you all have a good Monday!

Oh gross

Ye gads.... I knew I was bad, but man, this is just crazy!!! For shits and grins I decided to log what would be a typical Tuesday for me. Here in Canada Tuesday is known as Twoonie Tuesdays at KFC. I would get two of these, which amounted to 2 legs, 2 wings and 2 servings of fries. I would eat one for lunch and another a little later. Typically in the morning prior to heading into the office I would either finish Gabes Sandwich or have one of my own. On the way into work we would grab coffees at Timmies and more often than not a box of timbits. That night when I got home we would have a late supper, and during the summer a BBQ wouldn't be out of the question. Typically again we would BBQ a pack of wieners first, then steaks. We would have say baked spuds with ranch dressing and a heaping pile of mushrooms, onions and peppers sauteed. Then later than night it wouldn't be a stretch to have a big bag of Doritos with a onion dip. Ice cream is not unheard of as well...

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY shit, its just sickening when you lay it all out there like that... sick sick sick... NO MORE... this Fitday program is going to make me SO responsible for what goes into my body... wow... I am floored. Floored that I could eat that in a day and NOT think it would affect me, floored that I had gotten to a state of denial so thorough and complete that it would allow me to function like that... wow... kick in the ass??? Oh hell yeah.... this will NEVER happen again, it can't, I'll die... literally, I will die, intakes like that will kill me as sure as a bullet to the brain will kill me...

Folks, if you eat fastfood, if you eat crap... do yourself a favor and enter a fitday journal for ONE day and see what it gets you... it could be the best thing you have EVER done...

Now I am going to go and shake my head a little more... and bear this shame...

Fitday Journal

Well, just started up my fitday journal. I really liked this tool when I last lost weight and I plan on using it to make it a success this time around as well...

You can view my summary anytime by following this link.

It's also over there on the right in my link section.

Man, I need to actually UP my caloric intake right now... thats actually a surprise as I am not at all hungry...

I'll be filling in more details there as well as I proceed...

Try it out, it works like a charm!

Blah...

Still waiting on those before pics. I am hoping to get a chance to get them done this evening, if not, for sure by the weekend. I do have a rather GROSS picture to share though. This was taken the weekend of our wedding. At a beach in the town next door. Not pretty at all. You know at the time I didn't think I was that big. It was when I started seeing the wedding pictures that I really realized that something was terribly wrong with me. Still though, that wasn't enough to kick me in the ass and snap out of it.

Luckily though, in looking at other pictures taken more recently, for example when Damian came home, I don't THINK I look near as bloated and just soft as I did there. I have to admit, the winter and spring leading up to our wedding was something of a mess for me. My mother passed away in Jan, we actually debated getting married at all that summer as planned, we then decided to have a scaled back version and finally decided to go all out and do what we would have done had Mom not passed. I am not for one moment blaming the way I looked on Mom's passing, that would be a cop-out. I am however not so naive as to think I wasn't doing and EXTREME amount of comfort and stress related eating, once again, falling back on my addiction with full force.

I do feel bad for Dee though, she fell in love with a guy who was in pretty decent shape, active and full of energy, she ended up marrying a bloated version who was in poor shape and lethargic. I apologized to her for letting it get to that point. I really didn't mean for it to happen, I really didn't realize how bad it was... she is an amazing woman to love me equally throughout...

Fighting the addiction

I wanted to talk about food addiction for a moment if I could, and hey, since this is my blog I guess I can!

I am addicted to food. As surely as a person can be addicted to anything I am addicted to food. I know, I am speaking from experience as a person addicted to nicotine. The reaction is exactly the same. Now many people who poo poo about the notion of food addiction, well, bully for you, it must be nice to have that luxury. I appreciate your point of view, I note it, and I know you are entitled to it. I don't share the same views, we'll leave it at that and move on shall we?

The difference, and it's a huge one, is how addictions are treated. The ultimate goal for addictions is total abstinence from the substance, behavior or otherwise to which you are addicted. It can't be that way with food. You HAVE to eat, you have to be exposed to your addiction on a daily basis, you have to be around it, watch other people consume it, watch endless commercials about it... it's everywhere because it MUST be.

Can you imagine the success rate of a alcoholic who was told that you must consume 6 beers a day? Or a smoker who could never have any less than 6 smokes a day? Or a herion addict who must shoot up everyday? Just to live? Just to exist?

Thats the dilemma that a food addict faces...

You have to adjust, wean back, substitute the bad for good, but the chemical reward, the rush of eating, the joy of chewing, the feeling of something sliding into your belly, all the old markers that released all those happy and content feelings, they are there ALL the time. And like any addiction, you get a taste, you get that rush and you want more and more.

It's a real struggle, it's hard to do, it's the hardest thing in the world to reconcile. Also, like any addiction, the possibility of lapse is very real, only more so because of the things I discussed above.

I will do it, because I have to in order to live, I just want people to know that it's not easy, it's a war....

Pictures?

Well.. my buddy Shane, you can see his blog by clicking on the link over yonder, has posted his before pics and stats. Damn him, damn him all to hell....

That means I'm going to have to do it as well, and folks, it ain't gonna be pretty.

For a guy who 4 years ago was like Bill Shatner and got nekkid from the waist up as much as possible you would think this would be easy. Truth is its not. Heck, I'm not even 100% comfortable with my wife seeing me nekkid from the waist up ( waist down isn't an issue lol ). I have to do this though, to motivate and to show my progress. So I will.. can't be any harder than any other aspect of what I am doing.

So, to weigh myself I need to get a set of scales. I have a set... but they are in the mythical land known as THE SHED. In order to get them from there I need to answer three riddles from the ogre under the bridge, slay the evil dragon of D'lathor and journey through the wastelands of Storage... scary. Might be easier to buy new ones lol...

The Facebook group I mentioned is doing pretty good, loads of members, just have to get the conversations going there.

Anyway, point is, there will be pictures and measurements coming very soon... sigh

Well under way...

I feel great... really... it might be a little early to be doing cartwheels or mothballing my current wardrobe but I feel GREAT!!

I was thinking about timing and how interesting it is. The last time I began a weight loss journey it was due to a scare on my birthday, this time, it began with a scare on my birthday. I think someone is trying to tell me something lol...

I don't really have much to say right now, just waiting to get the kiddos to bed and heading out for my nightly walk. I will likely be back a little later with some more. I just wanted to make a statement about how damn good I feel, both with how I am progressing and the relief that I have that the journey is finally finally back underway!!